The Gift of Active Listening

Who Doesn’t Like Free Gifts?

We have the ability to offer a very valuable (and free) gift to the people we care about. As you can see from the title, the gift I’m talking about is active listening. The act of truly listening to another person seems so simple, yet it doesn’t happen very often.

There are tons of reasons why we don’t really listen to others. Sometimes we get busy or we think we can multitask. Other times we may believe we are listening when, in reality, we are really planning what we are going to say next. I’m sure you can think of many more reasons.

I tend to think I am a pretty good listener. I’ve been trained in all of those wonderful counseling skills. However, I realized that I recently missed an opportunity to actively listen to a good friend.

How to Tell if You’re Not Actively Listening

You know you’re not using active listening when you can’t clearly recall what the person said. Or maybe you realize that they stopped talking and you can’t think of anything relevant to say.

That’s what happened to me. The sad part is, I don’t even have a good excuse as to why I didn’t stop and listen. So, in an effort to correct my behavior, I’ve been paying extra attention to my listening habits.

The truth is, most people don’t even know that they’re not being good listeners. So, if you realize that you have this tendency, then you are well on your way to being a great active listener. However, this is a skill that you have to practice. And in my case, remind yourself to practice again.

You Can Learn to be an Active Listener

Imagine how your life would be different if you stopped what you were doing when someone decided that they needed to talk to you. How much better would your relationships be? How would this change your understanding of yourself?

If you’re interested, here are a few tips to improve your active listening.

1. Practice monotasking: stop everything else and listen to the person.
2. Make eye contact.
3. If this person is unfamiliar to you, mirror their style of speech and mannerisms.
4. Pay attention to keywords that they use.
5. Ask questions to clarify what they said. Ask for examples.
6. Repeat a part of what they said and ask another question.
7. Ignore the urge to “fix” their problem. There is great value in sitting with a problem. Usually, if we wait long enough, people will solve their own problems.

For a funny video that shows what active listening is not, and why sometimes active listening is not the right strategy, check out It’s Not About The Nail.

Your Turn

Offering the gift of active listening is a natural thing to do, but it’s not normal in today’s society. Active listening can help you build relationships with adults and children, get to the root of problems, and come up with creative solutions. The best part is that it shows others that you genuinely care about them and what they have to say.

Can you see yourself practicing this skill over the next few days? What do you think will happen when you take the time to invest your attention in the people you care about? I wonder what positive results you might receive. As always, let me know how it goes.