Did you know that your beliefs determine your reality? Your brain takes information from your senses, combines those sensations with your memories, and double-checks all of that against your beliefs about yourself, others, and the world.
Your beliefs act like filters that let certain things in and keep other things out. Anything that aligns with your beliefs will be easily noticed and even appear to be more prevalent than it really is.
If something does not align with your existing beliefs you probably won’t even recognize it. It’s possible that you could feel a little cognitive dissonance, but most people dismiss this and move on.
What do you believe?
The first step in changing your beliefs is to figure out what you really believe. For many people, there is a big difference between what they say or think they believe and what they actually believe. The most obvious way to figure this out is to critically observe all forms of communication.
What do you hear yourself saying to others?
What do you often say to yourself?
What do you say about yourself?
What do you say about other individuals, groups, or organizations?
There isn’t an easy answer here. You have to take every thought and word captive. Analyzing these will reveal longstanding patterns that have been determining your thoughts and actions.
By noticing what you say, you will gain access to an aspect of your unconscious. You will expose the tape that continues to play on repeat.
This is powerful because most of our thoughts and reactions are determined before the prefrontal cortex has a chance to weigh the pros and cons.
Are these beliefs true and adaptive?
Byron Katie writes about four questions, which she calls The Work. These questions are so simple that they can be used with children. I have used these questions for several years and can attest to their validity. Here they are:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
- How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without that thought?
Whenever a thought arises that seems to be troublesome, it should be subjected to these four questions. After the questions is the turnaround. If you haven’t seen her work before, I highly recommend looking up Byron Katie.
What beliefs would be more adaptive?
If you don’t like the way your life is going, change your beliefs.
This comes down to being aware of common thought patterns, noticing when they appear, and replacing them with thoughts that move you in the direction you want to go. Determine what you need to believe to achieve your goals and remind yourself of these things as often as possible.
Cautions
Learn to recognize and embrace cognitive dissonance. It’s that uncomfortable tension we feel when our beliefs and actions don’t align. It also shows up when we hold two competing beliefs or commitments.
Your replacement thoughts need to be things you can believe. Positive affirmations that are too far from your current reality will not ring true. Instead, they will cause your brain to defend against them, which will ultimately backfire.
