Three Proven Ways To Become A Gritty Optimist And Why You Want To

What happens when you try something and it doesn’t work out? Do you try again? How many times do you try different strategies? The answers to these questions depend largely on whether you are an optimist or a pessimist.

Optimists keep trying when things get hard. They believe their efforts will result in better outcomes. Optimists also live longer while experiencing better mental and physical health.

In the past, I found myself thinking and saying things that did not lead to positive outcomes. I would see a problem that might have a few possible solutions, try one or two and then decide it couldn’t be solved.

When I was working on my doctorate, I had to work extra hard to develop my optimism muscle. It was frustrating to have my work returned time and time again with needed edits. Some of them were big changes in the way it was structured, but others were so minor that I couldn’t see why they thought those changes would even matter.

At first, I thought this feedback meant I was dumb and didn’t deserve the degree I was working hard to achieve. I took it as a pervasive and persistent message about my lack of ability as a researcher and writer. For a while, I stopped trying. I took semesters off. I redirected my love of learning and got a certification in Holistic Nutrition. I even considered accepting ABD as an option.

Eventually, I decided to try again. I took a few days off work, went to a hotel, and worked consistently with focused effort. I was determined to finish, whatever it took.

So, what shifted?

Changing the Interpretation From Global and Persistent to Specific and Temporary

I decided that the feedback from the committee was specific to that type of research and writing. I also decided that my history of excellent academic performance and my love of learning were the persistent characteristics, not these temporary interpretations.

In short, I decided to reinterpret the events in a different, more adaptive manner. That reinterpretation led me to think and act differently.

How can you reinterpret something in your life in this manner? Can you think of it as temporary and specific? Which new options does that open up for you?

Do Something, Anything

The research on trauma indicates that doing anything is better than doing nothing. Kids who witness a traumatic event, whether local or international, recover faster if they are able to do something. It could be as simple as writing a letter to a family that was impacted or collecting money to donate to disaster relief efforts.

Think about the youth across the country who are speaking out and advocating for change in the wake of these tragic school shootings. Some of them have been reprimanded, suspended, or otherwise punished for their actions. For the sake of their mental health, even with these consequences, doing anything is better than doing nothing.

In which areas of your life do you need to formulate a response? Maybe you were treated unfairly by a coworker or supervisor. Maybe your friends or family members have been taking advantage of your kindness. Maybe you were abused or neglected earlier in your life. Even with the possibility of retaliation or punishment, responding in your own way will serve to mitigate the long term impact of negative events.

Keep Looking for Options

When I experience a setback, I try to come up with as many possible options as I can to achieve the big-picture goal. I also check to make sure that these options are aligned with my values and purpose.

Sometimes we get caught up in the smaller, intermediate goals. Those are just a means to an end. Even if these lower level goals are blocked, there are still many other ways to accomplish the big-picture goal.

This is a shift in perspective that requires us to reflect on the “why” behind whatever we are trying to accomplish. Recently, I was disappointed because our school system chose not to invest in a specific program that I thought would be wonderful for our students and teachers. I recovered from that disappointment very quickly because I know there are many other ways to provide this same support.

Upon reflection, it is clear that my ultimate goal is to work with the school district to support the mental health and social-emotional development of the students and teachers. There are plenty of creative ways to accomplish this goal.

Where do you need to take a step back and reflect on the real “why” behind what you are trying to do? Which intermediate goals can be replaced to achieve the desired outcome?

Putting it All Together

Knowing that you can change your interpretation of events, you can clearly see that there is another way to respond to life’s challenges.

Your first step is to see negative things as short-term and specific. Figure out how to shift your perspective so that you can see the bigger truths that are at play.

Identify what you can do to respond to the situation. When you do respond, make sure you act from a place that is in alignment with your values. Just because you are bullied or intimidated does not mean you should respond in kind, unless you value demeaning and demoralizing other fellow humans.

Last, but not least, keep trying to achieve your goal. Let go of the specific intermediate goals and focus on the big-picture.