How do you respond when you are confronted with the fact that your actions do not line up with what you think you value?
For the past month or two I have been heavily involved with research and training about trauma-informed practice. The cliff-notes version is that most people have experienced traumatic events and those shape the way our brains respond to perceived threats.
Part of what I am seeing is that most of us see the need to acknowledge others as fellow humans, build community in our respective environments, and practice empathy with ourselves and others. So far, I’ve found three big barriers: time management, personal issues, and external expectations.
Over the past two weeks, several people have expressed to me that I am being too blunt. Ryla explained it to me like this, you say you like to jog outside but you don’t have time so you jog on the treadmill or don’t jog at all. Really, it doesn’t take much more time, it just takes a little more effort. She is always able to help me see myself more clearly. Thank God she’s kind and intelligent.
It’s important to me that I am empathetic and patient. Lately, I haven’t shown either of those to the people closest to me.
I think that I don’t have time to deal with illogical nonsense, explain obvious inconsistencies, or find a nice way to make a comment. Is that really it or is it that I don’t have the mental space to recognize that I need to make the effort to ask the right questions and respond from a place of compassion?
So, to Ryla, Stacy, Donna, and Kristen, I apologize for being blunt. It’s not you. It’s me. I’ll do better, I promise.
For everyone else, think about your values and priorities. If you find that your actions aren’t lining up with your values you may need to do some self-reflection. Here are a few questions to get you stared.
What are your top five values?
Do your actions let others know that those are your values?
How can you reframe the idea that you don’t have enough time into the idea that you may not be putting your effort in the right place?
Thanks for your time. If I can do anything to help you live your values, please let me know. Clearly, I’ll be speaking from experience.
